Stephanie's Night Out
by scara-ann
Summary: Can Ranger handle Stephanie's night on the town?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of these characters; I just like messing with them.

This takes place post EOT so there are probably spoilers. This story has a point, I think. I just don't know what it is yet.

P.S. Sorry Morelli fans, this is going to end up a total Babe fest!

**1.**

I was still working for Ranger at the Rangeman offices. I was growing sort of attached to the place. The coworkers weren't much for conversation, but the boss was hot and I got to wear gym shoes to work.

I was sitting at my desk, bored out of my mind. My job is easy. People put files in my IN box, I run a background search on the person, then put the file in my OUT box. It gets old pretty quick.

My IN box was now in the empty stage, so I decided to go get a snack from the office kitchen.

Granola? No. Fruit? Nah. Aha! I had a small stash of tastycakes hidden behind the herbal tea in one of the cupboards. I grabbed one and was headed back to my office, when something from Ranger's office caught my eye.

He was meeting with Jeanne Ellen Burrows, the female version of Ranger. Ranger was sitting at his desk and Jeanne Ellen was sitting across from him, dresses in heels and leather pants and jacket. She looked like Cat woman, without the ears. She was blond, more put together than me, and was a primo bounty hunter.

They were laughing together, and I felt a small stab in the bottom of my gut. Yup, it was jealousy all right, but mostly insecurity. Jeanne Ellen was better than me at almost everything.

I walked back to the kitchen and grabbed the rest of the tastycakes, about eight in all and hauled them back to my desk. I decided I couldn't work under these conditions, so I downloaded some old episodes of _The Family Guy_ off of the internet, plugged in some head phones, and vegged out watching reruns.

About an hour later, the tastycakes were gone and I was still bummed out thinking of Ranger and Jeanne Ellen alone in Ranger's office, so I decided to go see my friends at my old office. It was a short drive, so I could run over there during my lunch break.

I was into some serious thinking on the way there. Why did I care so much about what Ranger does? It's not like we have a relationship or anything, we only spent one night together and that was ages ago. The more I got thinking about it the more worried I got. Morelli and I were on the outs _again,_ for a few months now and Ranger hadn't made a move on me. Maybe he didn't want me anymore, maybe Jeanne Ellen was his new squeeze and he was just throwing me off to the side. Geez, I was really depressing myself.

I drove by the newly rebuilt Cluck-in-a-Bucket and debated on whether to hit the drive through or not. I had a history with this place, so I figured they would not be happy to see me there. On to McDonald's.

I ordered a bunch of chicken nuggets and three large fries and arrived at the office a few minutes later.


	2. Chapter 2

**2.**

I spotted Lula first, sitting on the couch filing her nails. She looked up and smiled when she saw me bearing gifts. She was probably happier to see the McDonald's bag.

Connie got up from her desk and came over to sit on the couch with us. "Long time no see." She said before stuffing her face full of French fries. I only nodded because my face was already filled with French fries.

Vinnie popped his head out of his office. "Well look who it is, the woman who is going to put me out of business. And I thought we were family. I was nice enough to give you a job when you were unemployed and you leave me with Big Bertha here."

"Hey, I heard that. Anyways, I'm sure Stephanie didn't come over here to talk to your sorry ass. Why don't you just lock yourself back in your office and talk to Mr. Happy."

He rolled his eyes and slammed the door shut.

When we were done eating, we all relaxed a little a sat back into the couch. They were going on about how hard it was to shoot a can of pepper spray when you're nails were too long. My mind was off in space.

"Uh-oh, looks like you have man problems." The girls could always tell.

"I don't know why you broke it off with Officer Hottie, anyway. It's going to be hard to find an ass like that again. Although, his grandma is a little crazy and it could be hereditary. You'd probably have a bunch of crazy little kids reproducing with them Morelli genes."

"It's complicated." Was my only response. I'm not even sure I know the reasoning for breaking up with Morelli. I wasn't even sure if we would make up this time.

"You know what you need, honey. You need a good, old-fashioned one night stand." Connie.

"I like how you're thinking, Connie." Lula replied. "We could just find you a good looking young man, have your way with him, and then just send him on his way. Nothing like some fresh meat to get your mind off of all those complications in your life."

I must have been really desperate, because that actually sounded like a good idea. "I guess that could be fun."

"Oh my god!" Lula clapped her hands together. "This is going to be so fun, a total girls night out. We're going to the club tonight and we're all going to get us a nice piece of ass!"

"Yeah, Stephanie's no fun anymore. We need to get her laid." Connie agreed.

"Meet me at the mall at 5:30 and we'll find some sex kitten clothes for you to wear tonight. You can't go wrong with anything I pick out for you; you'll be taking a hottie home with you for sure." Lula was all sequins and spandex. People would probably think I was a hooker if she picked out clothes for me.

I finished the last of the chicken. "Well, got to get back to the office."

"Tell Tank I said hi!" Lula called after me.


	3. Chapter 3

**3.**

I was feeling better after lunch. Who cares if Ranger was boinking Jeanne Ellen in his office? I don't care who he boinks and I was going to do some serious boinking tonight and I wasn't going to think about Ranger at all. Probably I would fantasize about Ranger, but what woman wouldn't.

I entered the office and was walking to my desk, when I spotted Tank watching the security monitors with Hal. I couldn't resist.

"Hey." I leaned against the table that held the monitors. He glanced at me and nodded. "I just had lunch with Lula."

He raised his eyebrows at me.

"She wanted me to say hello for her" He gave me a full on smile at this. Hal started laughing out loud.

"It's not so funny", I replied. "I think you two would actually be pretty cute together." Yeah, and broccoli filled doughnuts would taste good, I thought to myself.

He shook his head and continued to smile. "You should call her sometime; I could give you her number."

Hal was still laughing and Tank shook his head in amusement and looked back to the monitors. I shrugged as I walked away, it was worth a shot.

I finished the rest of the background searches in my IN box around 3, so I played the Sims on my computer for the last two hours of my shift. I was ready with my purse on my arm at 4:57, when Ranger walked into my office.

"Hey, I'm not paying you to stand around." He said as he leaned over and ruffled my hair. All I could think of was him on his desk with Jeanne Ellen. And then I started thinking about him on his desk without Jeanne Ellen, and then with me on top of him…

"Earth to Babe." He was smiling at me and from the way I was drooling; he could probably guess my thoughts. "I need you for a job tonight."

The kind of field work I did for Ranger usually involved wearing a short skirt and lots of eyeliner, while trying to lure some poor schmuck out to the parking lot to be handcuffed.

"Tempting, but I have plans with the girls tonight."

"Big shoe sale at the mall?"

"No, actually we're hoping to get laid." With that, I took off down the hall and rushed down the stairs and jumped into my car and sped over to the mall.


	4. Chapter 4

**4.**

Lula was already knee deep in shoes when I arrived.

"Look, these would be perfect for you." She held out a pair of red, strappy four in heels to me. These shoes definitely said fuck me _and _they were on sale. I asked the sales person for a pair in my size.

I was admiring the shoes in the mirror when Lula found her shoes. She picked out a pair of clear platforms that were at least six inches high. "Look at these! I bet they'd go with anything." She exclaimed. I had to agree, they could go with all of Lula's bright spandex and sequins.

Our next mission was to find some skimpy dresses. Lula was holding up dresses for me. My replies to them were "Too desperate" "Too revealing" "Too much fabric" "To shiny" "Not enough sequins."

"Hold the phone!" Lula shoed me the sexiest red dress I had ever seen. I grabbed the dress and tried it on in the fitting room. When I came out, Lula whistled at me and a guy shopping with his wife took one look at me and dropped his shopping bags. His wife gave him a good smack on the top of the head when he bent to pick his bag up.

"Wow, that's it!" Lula was right. If I couldn't seduce a man in this dress, there was no hope for me. The dress was skin tight and low cut. The skirt was kind of twirley so when I spun, you could get a glimpse of my underpants.

Lula's dress was also tight and sexy. She found a fuchsia tight mini-dress with sequins around the edges. How she stuffed herself into it, I have no idea, but in a way she looked great.

When we finalized our dress sales, we stopped at Victoria's Secret so I could get a new thong. You could see _everything_ through our dresses. I got a red one, to match the dress of course and Lula decided to forego wearing any undergarments for the evening.

On our way out, we stopped by the food court for dinner. We were debating where to eat.

"You don't want to eat anything too nasty in case you drink too much and throw up tonight. Believe me, there's nothing more embarrassing than throwing up a cheeseburger and french-fries in front of some dude you hardly know."

This seemed like good advice, so I ordered a small salad from Wendy's. Lula ordered a large salad, with chicken, bacon, cheese and lots of dressing. That's gonna sit well, I thought.

After dinner, we went home to get ready and Lula was going to pick me and Connie up at 8.


	5. Chapter 5

**5.**

I went up to my apartment and took a shower. I blow dried my hair and put lots of gel in it. By the time I was done, I was a good four inches taller. I pan caked on some make up, with blue eye shadow and heavy eyeliner and mascara. I decided I would definitely need red lips to match the dress, so I smothered some on. I was a total Jersey babe. Eat your heart out Ranger. I bet Jeanne Ellen could never pull off this much makeup.

I was dressed and ready to go by 7:45, so I turned the TV on while I waited for Lula. There was nothing good on, so my mind started to wander. I wondered what Ranger's reaction was before I left the office this afternoon, if he was capable of being jealous. I still wasn't really sure if Ranger was fully human yet, so I'm not sure if he even has feelings. I know he cares about me a lot, he has saved my life on several occasions, but I don't really know how he feels about me. I guess he loves me, but not in the boyfriend sort of way. He would like to sleep with me, but he was my boss now and that could get kind of complicated. I decided this was too much thinking for me, so I made my way down to the lobby to wait outside.

It was a beautiful night. It was cold enough to need a jacket, but it was comfortable. The leaves were starting to turn, making the trees stand out against the black sky.

A car drove by and the driver took a look at me a slammed on his breaks. He put the car in reverse to where I was standing and rolled down the passenger side window. "How much, honey?"

EEEW! "Excuse me?" I asked, in shock.

"How much for twenty minutes?" This jerk better not be asking what I think he's asking.

"Get lost. I'm not a hooker."

"Yeah, right." The guy called out before spinning his tires and pulling away from the curb.

"JERK." I yelled after him.

Hmmm. Maybe it would be better to wait inside. I sat in the lobby and twiddled my thumbs until Lula pulled up a few minutes later.

"Damn girl, look at you! You'll be taking a hottie home with you for sure!"

We drove over to Connie's with Lula's stereo system pumping out 50 Cent. She was waiting on the porch for us and skated over to the car. She looked kind of like Peggy Bundy in her getup. She had black spandex pants, paired up with a leopard print skin tight top with a lot of cleavage showing. Her hair was teased up around her face and she smelled like she was wearing at least three ounces of perfume.

"Ohm god! Look at you guys! This is going to be so much fun!" Connie said when she got in the car.

I was excited at the beginning of the night, but now I was starting to get nervous. What was I thinking? I wasn't sure if I could just sleep with some random guy. What if my mother found out?

Lula took us to a club downtown. It was a Friday night so the place was packed and we had to park what seemed like a mile away. The three of us trudged down to the club in true Jersey style, with our heads held high while enduring catcalls from male passersby.

Lula broke out silent stride. "I have a good feeling about tonight. I bet we're all gonna score..." She added with a smile "Even you, Connie."

Lula and I laughed at that. Connie looked annoyed. "Hey, I get plenty. I've got men calling me all of the time!" We started laughing even harder. "It's not funny." She said before she started laughing also.

There was a line to get into the club, but Lula knew the bouncer at the door and he let us in. "Damn Lula" he said after catching sight of me, "You should bring your friends with you more often."


	6. Chapter 6

**6.**

As I walked in, my heart was pounding. Stay focused, Stephanie. You're here on a mission, to hunt for a man. I scoped the crowd, but it was hard to distinguish people apart. They all seemed to be in one big mass on the dance floor.

We walked through the crowd, with dancers bumping into us. The music was so loud; I could feel the rhythm pumping in my chest. The place was really crowded. We made our way to the bar and Connie and Lula ordered strawberry daiquiris. I was going to need something stronger if I was really going to go through with this. I ordered a rum and coke and downed it in about two minutes.

We scanned the crowd to see what kind of prey we had to choose from. Lula spotted a cute guy with baggie pants and a tipped hat so she made her way over to dance with him. They were deep into some bump and grind thing when Connie spied some guys she liked. "Hey fellas" she said as she made her way over to them. They were total guidos, hair super gelled, three gold chains each, and their shirts unbuttoned half way.

I didn't really see anyone that floated my boat so I ordered another rum and coke. I hadn't noticed that someone had already taken Connie's empty stool at the bar. A man sat down and took off his jacket. He was kind of cute, and when he took his jacket off I could see he worked out. He was no Ranger, but I thought he would make do. He unbuttoned the top button on his shirt and loosened his tie.

I chugged the rest of my drink and thought _here goes_.

"Hard day?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

He looked at my breasts, and then made his way up to my face. "Yeah, you could say that."

Okay, he was attracted, that was a plus.

"Can I buy you a drink?" He wanted to know.

"Sure, I'm drinking rum and coke."

"Really? You know, it's really hard to meet a woman who doesn't order one of those fruity, girlie drinks."

"I'll take vodka on the rocks and a rum and coke for the lady." He told the bartender.

When we got our drinks he turned to me. "Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Stan, Stan Harper."

That sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. I hoped to god he was not from the Burg.

"Hi Stan, Stan Harper. I'm Stephanie." I was such a smartass, and the alcohol wasn't helping. I offered him my hand. His grip was firm and he let his touch linger, but not in a creepy, gross guy linger.

"What do you do?" He asked.

"I'm in security." He gave me the once over and raised his eyebrow, so I explained further "I do background checks for a security company."

He nodded like that made perfect sense. I asked "How about you?"

"I'm in stocks, but I'm kind of in danger of loosing my job so I thought I'd come out tonight and get shitfaced."

"I hear that." I replied. I could relate to someone who tried to wash their fear away with alcohol. He smiled at me.

"You want to dance?"

"Sure." He took my hand and I let him lead me to the dance floor.

I wasn't really familiar with the music that was playing. Metallica was more my taste, but it was hard to dance to heavy metal. I started to sway my hips to the music when I started to notice the effect the alcohol was having on me. I grabbed Stan's shoulders while we danced to get closer and steady myself.

Stan looked pretty good shaking his stuff, and I'm sure the bar lighting and alcohol was helping improve my impression of him. I thought he must make a lot of money. He was wearing Armani shoes and suit. And he smelled expensive. I leaned in closer to get a better smell. Mmmm, yum.

He grabbed my hips and drew me closer to him. By the end of another song, we were locked into a deep kiss, barely noticing the music stopped.

I woke up from la-la land when someone was tapping me on the shoulder. It was Connie.

"These guys want me to go to Atlantic City with them, so I think I am." I took a look at the guido guys.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, I brought my stun gun with me just in case." She gave me a hug and she rushed out the door with a man on each arm, but not before giving Stan the once-over and winking at me.

Stan grabbed my hand and led me back to the bar when I ran into Lula.

"Hi there." She said, smiling at Stan "Could I borrow Stephanie for a minute?"

Lula was smiling ear to ear now. "He is so cute! You did good, girl. I just got a page about one of my skips. Do you think you'll get home okay?"

I looked over at Stan and he gave me a big smile. "Yeah, I think I can manage a ride. Go kick some butt."

I sashayed back over to Stan and found that he ordered me another drink. I started chugging it down.

"You have some pretty interesting friends."

"Yeah, they're in the security business too." It was amazing how brave the rum was making me. I thought it was totally possible to take Stan home with me now, hell I could take him right now on the bar if I really wanted to. "Hey, what do you say we get outta here?"

"I think that's a good idea." He leaned over and kissed me. He was all tongue and his hands were feeling me everywhere. I broke from his kiss and grabbed his hand. When we reached the door to leave, I asked "Where did you park?" I stumbled a little so he put his arm around my shoulder to steady me. "Right over…"

He was suddenly pulled away from me and I fell on my butt into the parking lot.

"Ow, what the…?"

Two strong arms grabbed my shoulders and lifted me to my feet. It was Ranger.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I was shocked to see Ranger and I was angry that he took my date away.

I looked over to see Tank holding Stan down and Lester snapping handcuffs on his wrists.

"Geez, are you going to arrest every guy who tries to take me home?" I looked at him and he had a large grin on his face.

"This guy's FTA" Ranger explained. "Seems he's been laundering money and the IRS found out about it. Thanks for distracting him, babe. You saved Rangeman a lot of time." His smile got wider. "I'm surprised you didn't recognize him. You performed a background search on him last week."

I slapped my self in the forehead, I _knew _his name was familiar. "It totally figures. I can't do anything right. I finally think something is going right for me and it ends up I'm about to take some criminal to bed." I let out a big sigh.

Tank and Lester loaded Stan into a black SUV and were off to the police station.

"Well, that was a waste of time."

Ranger had a wolfish grin on his face and eyed my dress. He studied me from my toes to my hair before speaking. Finally, he said, "You know, you didn't really have to leave the house to find a man. I'm always available."

"You're just available for sex! If I want no-strings attached sex I'd rather do it with some stranger that I would never have to see again."

I started to feel a little woozy, so I grabbed his arm for support. He put his arm around me and started to walk me to his car. He drove the Porsche tonight, black of course.

He opened the door for me and helped me in before angling in himself.

"How long did you know I was in there?" I asked. He probably had a whole surveillance team outside and in and could see my every move.

"Tank saw Lula walk in with you, she doesn't exactly blend, you know."

I smiled at this. "She did look hot tonight. Did Tank say anything about her?"

Ranger looked like he wanted to laugh. "Don't even think about it!" He answered. "I see enough of Lula at Vinnie's office."

"You don't think they're cute together?" I asked. He raised his eyebrows and started the car.


	7. Chapter 7

**7.**

We droved home in complete silence, the usual for Ranger. I got tired of the silence about halfway through the trip and started playing with the buttons on the radio. There was a lot of static and then voices, sounded like the police scanner. I pushed some more buttons and classical music filled the car. After some more button pushing, I was making no progress. I slumped back in my chair and rolled my eyes.

Ranger cut his eyes to me. "Babe." He pushed two buttons and changed the station to alternative, my favorite. No use in asking how he knew, from the file he had on me I'm sure he knew how many cavities I had.

I looked out the window the rest of the way home. Trenton was dark and most people were asleep. I was starting to feel disappointed. My buzz was wearing of and I was kind of sorry I missed my chance with Stan, he was cute. Too bad he was a criminal. I was starting to feel kind of embarrassed, too. Ranger probably knew the whole time that I was making out with another guy. I only felt a little embarrassed now, but I knew I would be mortified in the morning when I sobered up.

We pulled up in front of my apartment building and I reached for the door handle.

He put his arm around my shoulders and I turned back to look at him. He studied me for a couple of beats. He started by looking into my eyes, then to my hair, and then downward. He pulled me to him and kissed me. It was soft at first, but then was more demanding.

"Mmmm." I moaned. All thoughts left my mind and the only thing I wanted now was Ranger.

Ranger pulled away and looked into my eyes. "You really think I have no attachment to you?"

Why now? This should definitely be a conversation to have _after_ a night of wild monkey sex, after we both came to our senses.

"No, I know you care about me you just don't _care _about me. Like you love me but you don't _love_ me." He got a serious look in his eyes and stared ahead out the windshield. I quickly added, "But I'm totally okay with that." So what's a small fib? I would have said anything at that moment to get Ranger to start kissing me again.

"But I do _love _love you. If my life wasn't so…"

I planted my lips on his before he could finish. I knew where this was going. _I'm not a relationship type of guy._ Yada, yada, yada. _I don't want to put you in danger. _Blah, blah, blah.

He put his free arm on my stomach and was making his way up to my breast when his pager buzzed.

"Damn" I whispered.

He looked at the readout and made a small grimace. I raised my eyebrows, "Jeanne Ellen?" So what if I was being immature? I was still pissed about seeing him with her.

He shook his head. "Business. Nothing that can't wait."

He got out of the car and opened my door for me. I got out and started to walk but everything started to spin and I tripped over my own feet.

"Just how much did you have to drink?"

"Not too much, I know exactly what I'm doing." I assured him.

"I hope so."

We entered to lobby and took the elevator. By the time the elevators opened on my floor, we were back in full make out zone. Still mid lip lock Ranger led me down the hall and pinned me against my door. He got the key out of my purse and opened the door for us. We stumbled in, kicking off our shoes.

Ranger flicked the light on and I could hear Rex pause from running on his wheel. I imagined him rolling his eyes at me before resuming his nightly run.

We were walking back to the bedroom when the room started to spin. I stopped kissing him and closed my eyes to make the spinning stop. And then I threw up.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for the reviews! I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope it's as fun to read.

**8.**

It was Monday morning and I was sitting in my car in the parking garage debating on whether or not to enter the RangeMan office building.

I had spent the weekend in a perpetual state of self-loathing, wishing that Friday night had never happened. Come to think of it, I'm not exactly sure what happened.

I remember going out with Connie and Lula and dancing with that adorable Stan guy. But then I don't remember anything until Ranger was in the parking lot and the guys were taking Stan away. And then I remember lots of kissing after that, but I don't think anything happened. When I woke up, I wasn't walking funny and there was no smile on my face, which I take to mean that Ranger hadn't taken advantage of me. And I definitely remember throwing up, although there was no evidence of it when I woke up, so maybe it was just a dream.

I really did not want to go in there. The Merry Men were probably staking out the bar on Friday and had seen me in my drunken glory.

I tried to think of how much vacation time I had left. Maybe I could take a leave of absence, six months at least.

Pull it together, Stephanie. You deserve a night out and you don't have to answer to anyone, I assured myself. It couldn't have been that bad, right? And this is a place of business. I'm sure the guys are going to act in a professional manner.

I mustered up my courage and dragged myself out of the car and into the elevator. When the doors to my floor opened, I couldn't get my feet to move so I decided that maybe I should just take the elevator back down to the garage and hightail it out of there, to Mexico maybe. But Lester and Cal were waiting to enter the elevator when the doors opened. Too late to run away, now. I dind't want to look like a coward.

"What's shakin' Hotcakes?" Lester greeted me with a big grin as the two men entered the elevator and pushed the down button.

So it starts. I tried to think of a smart ass reply, but the elevator doors shut and the men were taken away before I could think of anything. I took a deep breath and entered the office.

All eyes were on me as I walked to my cubicle and I could hear a few low whistles and cat calls. When I was finally in the safety of my three walls, I sat down and banged my head against my desk for a few minutes.

I let out a long sigh and peeked back into the office. The men were back into their respective activities so I scooted my chair back and stretched my neck to see if Ranger was in his office today. Negative. The office was Ranger free, thank God!

I was hoping to avoid Ranger for as long as possible. I know I would have to deal with him sometime, but not today.


	9. Chapter 9

**9.**

At lunch time, I thanked my lucky stars that Ranger had not come into the office yet. I debated skipping lunch and got as far as about 12:30 before I had to eat something.

The office was pretty much empty this time of the afternoon. There were only two men left in the office, Tank and Bobby, and the rest were off doing fieldwork. I tiptoed over to the refrigerator and made a sandwich and was walking back when I overheard Tank's conversation.

"…Cool boss, meet you back here in fifteen."

Uh-oh. I really was not ready to deal with Ranger so I hustled over to my desk and grabbed my purse. I hurried through the office, sandwich in hand, and called out to the guys "I forgot, I had an appointment this afternoon. Got to run!"

I hopped in my car and drove around for a while before I found myself in the mall parking lot. Shopping is good for the soul, I thought to myself as I planned the path I would take through the mall.

Four hours, two big soft pretzels, and about a half-dozen credit card transactions later, I was back in my car and headed back to my apartment.

In the elevator, I was debating whether to make some Easy Mac or microwave popcorn for dinner. It turns out I didn't have to decide, however. There was a big, cheesy Pino's pizza sitting by my door, attached to a familiar vice cop.

"Hey Cupcake." Joe was sitting with his back to the wall and his legs stretched out in front of him. How he managed to sit alone with a pizza and not dig in was beyond me.

"Long time no see, Joe." I took a moment to study him. "You look good." Good was an understatement, really. He looked like walking sex with a badge. His hair was effectively tousled and his dark eyes looked happy to see me. I hadn't seen him in a few months. We were taking a break after Joe went into one of his Italian cop, jealous boyfriend tantrums. I still saw him around the Burg, but we hadn't been intimate in a while.

I opened the door for him and grabbed some paper towels and a couple of beers while Joe placed the pizza on the coffee table and turned the television on.

We scarfed down the pizza in silence, and when we were done, we relaxed into the sofa.

"The place looks different." Joe had just now noticed that I had done some redecorating. The salary at Rangeman was pretty decent and now I could afford furniture that matched. I had gone with a sort of post modern style, no flowers but still feminine. I had so far replaced the sofa, loveseat, and kitchen table.

"I was going for that post-dorm room, pre-housewife look" I mused. I thought I would probably keep this look for a while though, on account of I _never_ wanted to be a housewife.

Joe scooted closer to me on the couch and put his arm around my shoulder. His eyes turned into chocolate puddles that made me want to melt. "I've missed you."

I opened my mouth to reply, but he kissed me before I could get any words out. I'd missed him, too and his kiss only reminded me of that more. He was a great kisser. His kiss could make me forget about everything else in my life. When he finally pulled his lips away, I managed to squeak out "I've missed you, too." I put my head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me. It felt really good to be held.

We sat like that for what seemed like an eternity before I lifted my head back up and kissed him again. He hesitated at first, but then returned the kiss with an even greater passion. His hand touched my hair, and then slid down my neck. He was slowly making his way to my breast when his hand brushed over the _Rangeman_ embroidery on my uniform. He pulled away and let out a deep sigh.

"This isn't going to work, Stephanie." What? My brain screamed. My body was aching for him, it had been _months_.

I sat there dumbfounded. This should be written in the history books, the day Joe Morelli refused sex.

I moved away from him on the couch a little and turned so that my body was facing towards him. He was staring at the wall "I can't do this anymore."

I was in shock. Usually, we broke up, had sex, got back together, had sex, and then broke up again. Joe wasn't just talking about an _off again_ stage of a relationship. He was talking about a permanent arrangement.

"What are you talking about?" I still felt the need to ask, but I knew what he meant.

"Us. This. Everything. I'm tired of waiting for you to grow up."

This last statement got me a little perturbed, blame my Italian genes. "_Grow up?_ Just because I don't want to pop out a bunch of babies and cook dinner every night doesn't mean that I'm not mature."

Joe was off the couch now, looking like he was ready to yell. "Christ, Stephanie, look at you! You run around all day, dodging bullets and blowing things up. One of your best friends is a retired whore and you're roommates with a hamster. And I won't even mention your relationship with your boss."

Now I was up and off the couch and in his face. The comment about Rex was just going too far. "First of all, nothing has blown up in months and I haven't been shot at either." Well, maybe once accidentally by Lula, but I'm not going to count that. "And at least my friends aren't a bunch of Neanderthals who have burping contests and drool over classic cars. And lastly, my relationship with Ranger is strictly professional." Well, most of the time anyway.

Joe scoffed when I mentioned Ranger. "That's what this is all about isn't it? You can't stand me working with Ranger. Well I've got news for you. I can work for whoever I want and I'm not going to marry someone who thinks otherwise."

"So that's the way you want it then?" Joe was yelling now.

"No, Joe. That's the way you want it." I yelled back.

He thought about that for a moment before continuing. He calmed down enough that he wasn't yelling anymore. "I can't do this anymore. You drive me crazy, you know. If I go now, it's permanent. I love you Steph, but I have to move on." He waited for a response for me, but there was none. I didn't know what to say. I did love him, but I know I wasn't ready for kids and marriage and the whole shebang.

I think he wanted me to ask him to stay, because when I didn't reply I could see the hurt in his eyes. He gave me a kiss and a long hug and left without saying another word.


	10. Chapter 10

**10.**

I just stood there for a minute in a shocked state. I just broke up with Morelli, for good. No more on again, off again. We were permanently off. I was trying to process this information when there was a knock on the door. I figured Joe had changed his mind and come back, so I flung the door wide open without checking the peephole.

"Oh it's just you." I said to the unwelcome visitor. "Since when do you knock?"

"Babe."Rangerlooked down at me quizzically. "Saw Morelli in the lobby on the way up."

"Great." I replied sarcastically. "I'm surprised he didn't shoot you." I'm surprised they didn't go out to the parking lot like cowboys and duel. Alpha males, ugh!

He raised his eyebrows at me.

"We're broken up." He gave me a slight nod. "For good." I added.

He sighed and shook his head. "You should give him a break. He's a good guy, and he loves you."

I've heard that before and I was having a hard time keeping my anger inside. I wasn't angry at Ranger in particular, more like every man in general. "Excuse me?" I blurted out a little harsher than I actually meant. "You think you can give advice on relationships? You're a divorced mercenary for crying out loud! You're way of dealing with relationships is by not having them!" Oh God, what the hell was I doing? I closed my eyes and waited for Rangerto stungun me and stop my miserable tirade.

He didn't reply, but instead folded his arms over his chest in a defensive manner, his face blank. I took a few deep breaths and tried to explain. "You just came in at a bad time. Is there a reason for this visit?"

"Just making sure everything is okay. The guys said you left in a hurry this afternoon."

Ah yes, just hiding from you. "An appointment suddenly came up." Please don't ask for details.

"An appointment at Macy's?" He eyed my shopping bags and tipped the corners of his mouth into an almost smile. I was entertaining him.

"Do you really want to know the truth?"

"Probably not." He turned to walk out the door.

"About the other night, did we…?"

He slightly turned hishead to the right. The Ranger equivalent of a resounding 'no'.

I breathed a sigh of relief and asked the next pressing question."Did I...?" He smiled at this question.

"You need to learn your limits, Babe. You're dangerous when you're drunk." He paused and studied me for a moment.

"One more thing, we're meeting with a new client tomorrow. It's an all staff meeting first thing, don't be late." With that he was gone into the night.

I shut the door after him and slid the locks in place. I felt pretty confident about the locks keeping people out now. I haven't had a run in with a crazed, psycho murderer in months. And I haven't blown up any cars either. Which reminds me, I thought as I looked around for my newspaper. I think it's time to invest in something more expensive, because I feel like my car karma is taking a turn for the better.


	11. Chapter 11

**11.**

I pulled into the parking garage a little late to work. I stopped by a car lot earlier that morning to trade in my old car and get a new one. I picked out a Lexus LS, black, sporty, and sleek. It had a bunch of miles, so I got a pretty good deal on it. It wasn't a Mercedes or a Porsche, but it looked cool and it was my own. And if I cut back on pizza and beer, I could almost afford the monthly payments.

All the good spots were taken, so I had to park near the exit. I hiked it over to the elevators and tried to fight the nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. I looked in my purse. Keys? Check. Gun? Check. Ranger would probably fire me on the spot if I didn't carry my gun to work. The policy on bullets however was a little gray, so I usually went unloaded. I checked myself over in the elevator. I remembered to put on my underwear and bra. I did a quick underarm and breath check. Yup, remembered to put deodorant on and brush my teeth. Oh well, I thought and exited the elevator into the office.

I realized what I was missing when I walked into the empty control room. Duh! Big meeting, new client. Crap I hope I'm not fired, I thought to myself. It would be a shame to see that nice new car get repossessed so soon.

There was a large meeting room in the office, with the blinds left slightly open and I could see that the room was filled to capacity. The first person I saw I didn't recognize. He was sitting at the head of the meeting table and was listening to Tank talk. I spotted Ranger next. He had spotted me, too. I gave him a little finger wave and he responded with a death glare and a motion for me to get my butt in there.

I entered the room and thankfully everyone pretended not to see me. I spotted an empty seat next in between Bobby and Hal and was quietly making my way over when a hand slapped me right smack on the behind. I stopped dead in my tracks and my eyes expanded to the size of dinner plates.

An unfamiliar voice said from behind me, "How about a refill on my coffee, tootsie?"

I heard several of the men suck in some air. I spun around to face the assailant. He was in his early fifties and was handsome in another life, graying hair slicked back, a few gold chains around his neck, and a big, gold pinky ring. He looked like a Soprano's reject. I had a few choice words on the tip of my tongue when I saw Ranger out of the corner of my eye. I was already in big doo-doo for being late and taking off early yesterday. His eyes were amused, but at the same time pleading with me not to be too hard on the guy.

I sighed, slumped my shoulders, and walked over to the coffee pot. It could be worse, Stephanie. You could be rolling around in garbage chasing after some stupid skip. I walked over to the new man's cup and it took every ounce of self-control to not dump the coffee right on his ugly head. Tank resumed talking in the meantime. I think he felt sorry for me.

Across the table, Lester jokingly motioned me to come give him a coffee refill, too. I narrowed my eyes as much as I could at him. He grimaced a little and laughed silently to himself. I carefully put the coffee pot back in place, afraid if I moved to quickly I would end up throwing it against the wall.

I took my spot in betweenHal and Bobby, thunked down in my seat, and opened the agenda that was lying in front of me.

It was a bunch of security mumbo-jumbo that I didn't really care about. I grabbed a pen from the table and started to take my frustrations out on paper.

I got from the meeting that the new client's name was Sammy Fiorelli and he was in need of protection after a deal he financed went sour. He was involved in high stakes real estate, and his main clients were politicians and high power attorneys. When the real-estate plan fell through the politicians hired goons to make him pay for the debt, with his life.

A half an hour later, I had drawn a large group of stick figures labeled _men _being bombed by a plane from the sky. The stick figures represented all of the men in my life and me sending them all away. I had about as much talent for drawing as a second grader but I felt better. I was so into the drawing I hadn't noticed the meeting had broken up and the guys were going out to do their security stuff.

A hand on the base of my neck sent chills down my spine. Only one man could do that with a single touch. I looked up at him smiling.

He was trying to look stern, but his face softened when our eyes met.

"Interesting artwork."

"I know. I'm thinking about opening my own studio exhibit. It's titled _My Life Sucks._"

One side of his mouth tipped up. "I'm meeting privately with Mr. Fiorelli to finalize some plans and then I need to talk to you. No sneaking out early today."

"Sir, yes, sir." I faked a salute.

He slightly shook his head and led Sammy into his office.

* * *

It was after noon before Ranger came back to my office to talk to me. I had finished with my morning allotment of background searches and was heavily into my Sims created universe on my computer. I barely noticed the hairs on the back of my neck stand up when he entered my cubicle.

He sat next to me in the empty office chair and looked intently at the computer screen before I could turn it off.

"What's this?"

I sighed. "It's a game called the Sim's. It's like reality TV, only you get to control all of the people in your neighborhood. You build them houses and get to control their relationships while trying to keep them happy by fulfilling their needs." I clicked out of the house I was currently playing in and went to the neighborhood view in order to save and exit. The neighborhood I created consisted of most of my friends and family and we all were living pretty well in the game. Most of the houses were large and had pools and Jacuzzis. In this dream world of mine, everyone ordered pizza for every meal and had a housekeeper.

"What's this little house over here?"

"That's my parents'. I designed their home to be modest; I don't think they would know what to do with a pool anyway." I went on to explain the design of the rest of the neighborhood and pointed out Lula, Connie, and Mary Lou's houses. "I'm working on building Morelli's house now. I moved him out of my house this morning, which is such a shame. Our love meter was almost at 100."

"You still want him in your neighborhood?"

"Sure, we'll always be friends."

He pointed on the screen to the largest house in the neighborhood. "Whose house is this?"

"I thought you'd never ask. That, my good man, is the Bat cave!" I clicked on the house to view the Sims living inside. There were about ten large Sims, all dressed in black living in the house. I had a huge garage next to the house filled with black cars and had a tall fence going around the entire perimeter. The house was sparsely decorated downstairs, which is where I created makeshift security monitors, a few small bedrooms, and exercise equipment. The upstairs contained all of the fun stuff, like a pool table and DJ table with light-up dance floor. The upstairs also contained the large bedrooms.

"Not the way I would've designed it, but I like it. I especially like the dance floor." He put his arm around me and pulled me in to give me a kiss on the top of my head. "How is our love meter?"

"Almost non existent. Every time I visit the Bat cave, you try to make me work out on the exercise equipment, so my character gets bored and leaves." I smiled at him. "The other guys in your house do throw some really wild parties, though."

"I never figured you for a computer geek." He turned the computer monitor off and spun my chair around so we were sitting face to face and our knees were touching.

"It was either this or online poker. And it's not like I spend a lot of time on it. I use the extra time I have when my IN box is empty and sometimes I play on my lunch break." I didn't really think it was necessary to explain how this was the closest thing I had to a social life.

He gently grabbed my wrist and kissed the palm of my hand. "I think we need to figure out more constructive things to do with your time." His kiss sent a surge of heat from my fingers to my nether regions and I was suddenly feeling flirty.

I leaned towards him and licked my lips. "And those things would be?"

This got me a raised eyebrow in response. "I was thinking more along the lines of visiting the gym." He leaned even closer to me and whispered, "But I'm always open to suggestions if you think of something better."

That was about as far as I was willing to go at the moment so I leaned back in my chair and tried to change subjects as gracefully as possible. "So...What did you want to talk to me about?"

The corners of his mouth tipped into an almost smile. "You need to get over your fear of me, Babe. I have a feeling we'll be spending a lot more time together now that Morelli's out of the picture."

Yikes! I didn't know whether to be happy or completely petrified at this statement.

He glanced at his watch. "You free for lunch?"

"I'll have to check my calendar, but I think I can squeeze you in." He gave me one of his full on smiles.

"Wise guy." We both stood up and he pulled me close and gave me a light kiss on the lips. "I'll meet you downstairs in five."

* * *

We pulled up to the restaurant about twenty minutes later. The host seated us at a corner booth and Ranger sat with his back to the wall. Sometime, I would have to think about how Ranger always managed to do that.

I was contemplating the merits of the fettuccini versus the lasagna when the waiter came to take our orders. We both ordered a glass of wine and I had the fettuccini, while Ranger ordered an organic salad. Ranger didn't start to discuss business until our food arrived.

"I need you to do some fieldwork for me." I nodded, but my mouth was full so I motioned him to continue. "The new client needs a bodyguard for a function this weekend." I thought this was a pretty strange request, because mine was the body that usually needed guarding.

I swallowed my mouthful. "I don't think you want me as a bodyguard. I don't know if you noticed, but I'm kind of a psycho magnet. And I _really _hate getting shot at."

"I highly doubt there will be any shooting and I will have my men stationed near you at all times. I would never put you in harm's way, but my options are limited. Fiorelli specifically asked for a female bodyguard to pose as his date at the foray. I think the chances of you having to use any of your training is slim to none, you're position is more to give the client piece of mind."

An evening of Fiorelli fondling me and making passes did not seem like a good time, so I tried to think of something to get me out of it, when it suddenly occurred to me. "Why don't you get Jeanne Ellen to do it? You two are pretty chummy these days."

He gave me a full on smile at this. "You know, you're cute when you're jealous." Like I haven't heard that one before. "Jeanne and I have a business relationship."

I thought about that for a beat. "That's what you tell people about us." Not to mention, that's what I tell people about him.

He put his fork down folded his hands on top of the table and leaned forward. "Do we have something more than a business relationship?"

I was not touching that question with a ten foot pole. "Are you trying to change the subject?"

"Yes, but I don't think its working." He stared at me in silence for a few moments before continuing. "Jeanne and I were involved at one point in time, but she's not a part of my life anymore."

"Good to know." I was relieved that he was not boinking Jeanne Ellen, but he still hadn't explained why she couldn't do this body guarding gig. "Maybe you should ask her to do the body guarding, though."

"I already have. I had a meeting with her Friday morning to discuss it, but she's not available this weekend." He finished the last bite of his salad and pushed his empty plate to the side. "I think it will work out for the best, though. Fiorelli having a date with Jeanne Ellen isn't very believable."

I had to agree with this. People would wonder why a woman like Jeanne would go anywhere near a slime ball like Fiorelli. I thought about this while I was finishing my fettuccini and the meaning behind his words dawned on me. When I looked up at Ranger, it looked like it was dawning on him at the same time.

"So I'm believable?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

He held up his hands in a defensive manner and sat back into the booth as far as he could. "I never said that." He looked like he was choosing his words wisely. "You're one of the most beautiful women I've ever met; it's just that Jeanne Ellen is…"

"What, Ranger?" I thought it was kind of sweet that Ranger called me beautiful, but I wasn't going to let on. "She's perfect?"

"That's not what I was going to say. She's not perfect." He tried to hold my hand from across the table, but I snatched it away before he could reach me. I was debating on whether or not to get up and walk out. I hadn't had dessert yet and the office was almost ten blocks away.

I leaned back in the booth and folded my arms over my chest. "I'm staying" I said as I pointed a finger at him, "But it's only because this restaurant has the best cheesecake in Trenton."

"My lucky day."

* * *

Ranger pulled up in front of the office to drop me off. "You never gave me an answer on the job."

"I'll do it." I said as I opened the car door. What could go wrong? Everything. "But Rangeman has to buy me a new dress."

"You drive a hard bargain." He gave me a wolfish grin and leaned over to give me a light kiss on the lips.

"One more thing, I get to stun gun him if he smacks my butt again." I stepped onto the curb and shut the door behind me. Through the tinted glass, I could see Ranger shaking his head. He peeled off into traffic and was gone, off to fight crime.


	12. Chapter 12

I still don't own any of these characters-so please don't sue me!

Thanks for the reviews!

Sorry this took so long, it was really hard to write. I hope it doesn't seem too forced.

**12.**

I walked back up to the office and made my way to my cubicle. All of the guys looked up at me and I smiled at them. They were all dressed in black cargo pants and black t-shirts, but looked like they should be wearing orange jump suits. I was less scared of them now then when I first started the job, and some of them were actually starting to like me. I was almost sure of it.

I sat at my desk and checked my voicemail. The first one was from my mother. "Hello Stephanie. This is your mother, just making sure you were coming for dinner tonight. I'm making leg of lamb and chocolate cake for dessert. Oh, and bring Joseph with you." I was surprised my mother hadn't heard about our breakup by now. The good thing about Burg gossip is that you never have to break bad news to your parents. I really was not looking forward to telling my mother me and Morelli were _off _indefinitely. My family figured he was my last chance at getting hitched.

The second message was from Lula. "Stephanie, where have you been? You never filled us in about Friday night." I really didn't want to relive that horror, but I was curious about Connie's night in Atlantic City.

The third message was kind of a mystery. "…No, you can't put that up your brother's nose. Mommy's on the phone, sweetie. Hello? Stephanie? Call me." Must be Mary Lou. I'm lucky to have a friend like Mary Lou. She's a constant reminder of the importance of birth control.

While I was waiting for my computer to finish a search, I called Lula back. Connie and Lula had me on speaker phone and after I told them about Ranger's interference, they had a nice laugh. Out of fear of them laughing themselves to death, I left out the part where I threw up in front of Ranger.

I was curious about Connie's night. Connie explained, "We went to Atlantic City. I lost a hundred bucks playing blackjack, but the guys were real gentlemen. We got back into town around four in the morning and we stopped at the pancake house for breakfast. I didn't go home with any of them, but I've got a date for Saturday night."

At least one of us had some luck in love. I promised to stop over for lunch soon and disconnected.

I called Mary Lou next. She was shocked when I told her that Morelli and I were kaput. After I assured her she was the first person to know, she promised not to tell anyone. I was hoping she was lying. I hoped the news reached my mother's house before I arrived for dinner at 6.

* * *

I pulled up in front of my parent's house promptly at 5:58.

"Stephanie! It's been real boring around here since you left the scene." Grandma Mazur met me at the door, no doubt warned by her Burg radar. I'd been limiting the time I spent with my family lately. I was trying to be more self sufficient, not to mention trying to avoid my mother's constant marriage badgering.

My father was sitting at the head of table, knife and fork in hand ready to dig in. Valerie and Kloughn were in the midst of a who's the most snuggly gooiest contest, with the girls sitting next to them and the baby making gurgling sounds in her swing. I sat down with the rest of the family and my mother brought the lamb out to the table. Forks were flying and spoons were shoveling large amounts of fatty foods onto empty plates.

My mother was the first to break the silence. "Is Joseph working late tonight?" I guess this was the one time Mary Lou could actually keep a secret.

"No. He's not coming." Everyone stopped eating except my father. The garage could blow up, but dinner for him could never be interrupted. "We've decided to call it quits." No one seemed surprised by this and started eating again. Morelli and I had made a habit out of breaking up, then making up. I took a deep breath and added, "For good."

I had been bottling up my feelings pretty well until this point, but saying that out loud opened a can of emotional worms. I felt a lump in my throat and I was trying hard to blink back tears.

Grandma Mazur was the first to chime in. "I think I would hold out for that beefcake bounty hunter if I were you, too"

My mother made the sign of the cross. "Oh, dear God."

"Ranger and I have a business relationship, grandma."

"It's no wonder you've kept that office job so long. I bet he has you doing a lot more than filing." She winked at me. My father rolled his eyes and my mother made the sign of the cross again.

I decided a change of subject was suddenly very necessary. "You look great, Valerie." She really did. After she had the baby, she had a hard time loosing the extra weight and an even harder time trying to cut back on all the gravy in her diet. But at the rate she was loosing weight now, she would be back to her old self in no time. She was down to one chin now and she could see her own feet.

She perked up at this. "It's a new diet. I only eat small snacks throughout the day, but I get to eat whatever I want for dinner." I looked at her plate. It had enough food on it to keep a person full for days.

"That's amazing. Maybe I should try that." I wondered how many doughnuts counted as a small snack.

Grandma checked her watch during dessert. "I've got to get ready. Edna is going to pick me up any minute. We're going to the senior center tonight. Such a shame about Stiva's, though. Us old folks only have the senior center and the bingo parlor now. The bunch of old bags that play bingo wouldn't know a good time if it jumped up and bit them on the butt."

Grandma was referring to the same Stiva who tried to kill me a few months ago. He ran the most successful funeral home in the Burg, but the business fell apart after he was convicted and sent to jail. Stiva's funeral parlor used to be the Burg's most popular senior hangout and now that the parlor was closed, old folks were having a hard time adjusting.

I had a piece of chocolate cake and after unsnapping the button on my pants, I was ready for another. Seconds would make up for all of the sugar depravation I had to endure at work.

After dessert, I help my mom pack up some leftovers for me in the kitchen. She had spared the public lecture and instead decided to save the _what are you doing with your life _lecture for private.

"Honestly, Stephanie I don't know what to do with you. No one else in the Burg has a daughter who blows up cars and chases after felons. Most normal people run away from felons." I hadn't lost a car to the giant junkyard in the sky in months and I wasn't chasing down skips anymore, but I was in no mood to argue. "And what are you wearing?" I looked down at my uniform. Black shirt, black pant, and black steel toe boots. "You're starting to look like the men you work with. How are you going to attract a husband like that?"

I faked a yawn. "It's getting late. I should be going." I grabbed my leftovers and headed for the door.

My father was sitting out on the front porch, drinking a beer, watching the world go by. It was a nice night so I decided to take a seat next to him. He took another beer out of a small cooler and handed it to me.

We sat in silence and drank our beer. It was nice to have a family member who didn't constantly talk about my job or my love life. Spending time with my father did not require any conversation, actually speaking was not recommended.

The street was quiet, except for the sounds of leaves blowing along the ground and the sounds from the television that someone was watching indoors. The trees were almost bare and orange and brown leaves littered front lawns.

"That's a snazzy new car you've got there." My new-to-me Lexus was sitting in the driveway, next to my father's sedan.

Snazzy was a pretty good word for it. "But it's no Buick." I responded. My father had a thing about Buicks. Buicks were the only car worth anything in the Burg. I knew first hand the indestructible nature of the Buick, but that didn't mean I actually wanted to drive one. And besides, my car karma was improving. I didn't need an indestructible car anymore.

My father nodded in agreement. "It's no Buick."

We sat in silence for a few more minutes before I finished my beer. I'm not sure why, but I gave my dad a quick kiss on the cheek before I left. We weren't the kissy type and we hugged only a few times a year. Just sitting with him made me feel better. He didn't judge me or try to tell me what to do. Sometimes dads just know the right thing to say or in this case not to say.

* * *

The days were getting shorter this time of year and it was dark by the time I pulled into the parking lot beside my apartment building.

When I got upstairs, I greeted Rex and gave him some leftover lamb and a piece of a roll. "You're lucky, Rex. I bet your mom never nagged you about getting married and having little hamster babies." He looked at me with his beady eyes, stuffed the food into his cheeks, and burrowed back into his soup can. Rex was such a good listener. When I had time, I was going to buy him one of those big hamster obstacle courses with all of the different tubes that go in different directions.

I sat on the couch and flipped through the channels, finally settling on the Powerpuff Girls. Mojo Jojo's maniacal plan wasn't very interesting so I clicked the television off.

I picked up the book Mary Lou lent me months ago, but had been sitting unread on my coffee table. The title read _Men are From Mars, Women Are from Venus_. It sounded very sci-fi, so I was disappointed when I opened the book. I skimmed the book for a few minutes and discovered it was a relationship book. The author mostly talked about communication and respecting a person's difference of opinion. I turned to the back cover to read the author's bio. This guy was definitely not from Jersey. I wasn't good at communicating my feelings, or even figuring out what they were. And my Italian heritage dictates that ranting and raving is the proper way to solve a disagreement.

I lied down on my bed to ponder the meaning of the book. If I was from Venus, Morelli was definitely from Mars. But Ranger? Ranger had to be Pluto, or even Planet X, the one the scientists debated is even a planet or not. Maybe the guys were both Martians, and I was the weird one. What if I was from a different galaxy?

I sighed and got ready for bed. I snuggled into my sheets and closed my eyes. After staying in Ranger's apartment, I bought myself 900 count Egyptian cotton sheets. I thought it would help suppress the urge to drive over to Ranger's in the middle of the night and jump into his bed. The new sheets helped, but they were missing something. That something was a smoking hot Cuban bounty hunter.

I tossed and turned for a while, trying to get Ranger out of my head. He was probably in bed at the same moment; sound asleep under the covers with _no boxers on_. The temperature suddenly went up a notch and I threw the covers off. I honestly tried to fall asleep, but every time I closed my eyes all I could see was Ranger naked.

The smart Stephanie was telling me to picture unicorns and butterflies and dream about innocent things, but the stupid Stephanie kept reminding me I had a key to Ranger's apartment. The stupid Stephanie eventually won out, she always won.

I threw on a pair of jeans, grabbed my purse and hurried out to my car. I was just going to tip toe into Ranger's apartment and sneak into his bed. Probably he won't even notice I was there. Okay, he would definitely notice I snuck in but we slept in the same bed together in a non conjugal basis before. I was halfway down Hamilton when smart Stephanie came back.

What the hell was I doing? Of course I couldn't just sleep next to Ranger. I had no will power and couldn't trust myself around him. I was sex starved, but not crazy. I veered across the road and swung into the 7-11 parking lot. I ran in a bought a pint of ice cream and four king sized candy bars. It wasn't birthday cake but I was counting on it to get me through the night without jumping into Ranger's bed.

I steered the car back towards my apartment. Once back inside, I turned on _Men in Black_ and dug into the ice cream. I fell asleep half way through the movie in a pile of candy bar wrappers.


	13. Chapter 13

**13.**

I was early for work the next morning, so I stopped at the bakery to pick up a couple dozen doughnuts. I was still feeling weird about the guys seeing me in my drunken stupidity over the weekend and I thought maybe I could bribe them with sweets.

I walked through the office and set the doughnuts on the counter. I grabbed a magic marker and wrote _Eat Me_ on the bakery box and added a smiley face before snatching a Boston Crème for myself.

I felt kind of sorry for the Merry Men. Ranger was very good at a lot of things, but the man knew nothing about eating. He kept the office refrigerator stocked with fresh vegetables and high protein lunch meat. Not that I didn't appreciate the effect my healthy lunches were having on my waistline, but lunch just isn't the same without a cream filled brownie for dessert. Rangeman employees were responsible for smuggling in their own cheese doodles and snack cakes.

I sat down at my desk and looked at my IN box. It was pretty full, so I started on my background searches for the day. By the time lunch rolled around, my eyes were glazed over and I was debating the merits of going back to skip tracing.

I got up and stretched a little before walking over to the kitchen area to make a sandwich. All of the men looked up and smiled at me. Behold, the power of doughnuts.

I returned to my desk with a turkey sandwich and a bottle of apple juice. It was good, but it needed something. French fries would be nice, or potato chips. I finished my lunch and set myself in for another round of eye-glazing activity.

Ranger called later that afternoon. "Yo."

"Yo yourself."

"Are you ready to shop for that new dress?"

"I've got one more search to finish and then I'm free for the afternoon."

"Good. Go ahead and head out to the mall when you're done. I'll have Tank ready to meet you there around 3 to pay with a company credit card."

"You could always just give me the credit card."

"Babe, I know what kind of damage you could do with a credit card. We need to order uniforms for the rest of the team, anyway." How sad is that? Ranger trusted me with a gun before he trusted me with his credit card.

"What kind of party is this, so I know what kind of a dress to wear?"

"Not your average job." In other words, I shouldn't dress like a streetwalker. "The invitation says black tie, so I would suggest a gown." There was silence for a few seconds before he continued. "Maybe something black, low cut with those long slits up the side."

I rolled my eyes. "Anything else?"

"Would you like to hear my suggestions for underwear?"

"Not right now." Not _ever_. I stayed in Ranger's apartment a while back, and after a snooping spree I only found one pair of boxer shorts. I'm pretty sure Ranger's suggestion would be along the lines of no underwear at all. "I'll try to have something picked out by three."

* * *

I arrived at the mall and started my search for a gown in Macy's. I had called Lula for reinforcement and she was going to arrive at any moment. I wasn't sure how much she knew about dressing for a black tie event, but she could spot the perfect pair of shoes from a mile away.

When Lula arrived, I had already browsed the formalwear section and hadn't found anything remotely appealing. We decided we'd have better luck in the bridal store.

We walked past the bridal gowns on our way to the evening wear section of the store, when I suddenly got these weird feelings. They were pangs in the bottom of my stomach. Regret, I thought to myself, and sadness. I missed Morelli. I had a sinking suspicion that maybe my mother was right and Morelli was my only chance at a normal Burg life. My antics were legendary in the Burg now. No sane man would want to marry me.

"You look like there's a whole conversation going on inside your head." Lula said.

"Just thinking about my wedding, or lack of one."

"Morelli wanted to marry you."

"I couldn't marry Morelli. After the wedding, he would probably lock me up in the house and make me learn how to cook." I felt my chest tighten at the thought of owning an apron and clipping coupons. "He and I are too much alike, anyway. Probably we'd end up murdering each other."

"What about Ranger?"

I tried to stifle a laugh. "Ranger's not the marrying type." I tried hard to visualize Ranger in a tuxedo, waiting for me at the front of a church but kept imaging him in cargo pants and combat boots. "He always carries at least two guns and a knife and speaks in two syllable sentences. Ranger wouldn't marry a person like me, anyway. He needs someone like Catwoman, someone like Jeanne Ellen."

"Maybe he doesn't want to be with her for the same reason you don't want to marry Morelli, they're too much alike. Where's the fun in that?" I furrowed my brow, so she explained further. "The way I see it, Ranger is like a superhero; he feels the need to rescue people. You think Jeanne Ellen's skinny ass ever needs rescued? Hell no. But you, well, he'll never get bored with you. You need rescued all the time."

"I'm tired of being rescued. I want to fight the bad guys myself."

"You're one tough cookie, but even the best bounty hunters couldn't defend themselves against the bad guys who came after you. Ain't no shame in asking for a little help sometimes. You're like a walking sicko magnet. Any mentally unstable person takes a look at you, and they go right off the deep end. You just have that effect on people."

She was right. I drove everyone nuts. My mother, Morelli, the entire Trenton police force, and various other psycho nut cases and stalkers. Ranger thought I was fun, though. I guess his idea of a good time is getting his car blown up or getting shot at.

Lula broke my inner dialogue. "What price range are we looking at?" she asked as she looked through the racks of gowns.

"Money is no object. It's a business expense."

"Any open positions over at Rangeman? The only business expense Vinnie will approve is doughnuts once a week. And I wouldn't mind working with that bunch of grade a man beef. How do you keep yourself from jumping on them?"

"I'll look into any open positions." Or not. "As for your second question, I eat _a lot _of doughnuts."

I was absently flipping through gowns when one caught my eye. I held it up to get a better look.

"That dress is the shit." Lula said.

The gown was gorgeous. It had a high neckline, but the back was totally exposed. It was black, with very light sequins that only sparkled when the light touched it just right. The gown was ankle length, with a long slit on one side going all the way up to my hip. Lula was right, this is _the _dress.

I had the sales clerk hold it for me until Tank could come and pay for it with the Rangeman plastic. We were on our way to start shoe hunting.

* * *

We walked past the Stuart Weitzman store and Lula dragged me in. I had about thirty seconds worth of guilt feelings about picking out $300 shoes, but they were quickly subsided by the excitement of being able to wear $300 shoes. This job suddenly didn't seem so bad, actually it seemed pretty good.

It was getting dangerously close to 3, so I settled on a pair of 4 inch strappy heels and a small black leather handbag.

Bobby called a few minutes later.

"What's your 20?" No hey, how's it going. These guys got right down to business.

I gave him our coordinates and disconnected.

"Who was that? Was that Tank?"

"That was Bobby, but I think Tank might be with him."

"Tank? Ohmygod. How's my hair?" Lula dug her compact out of her purse and fixed her hair and checked to see if she had any food in her teeth.

I popped my head out of the store and spied them coming towards us. They were decked out in Rangeman black, and I was pretty sure they were armed. Didn't these guys ever relax? It was just a trip to the mall, but I guess if I was assigned to be anywhere around me I would probably want to be armed, too. With me, a Sunday trip to the mall could easily turn into a disaster of epic proportions.

Lula and I watched as the two scary men walked towards us. People were ducking into stores to avoid them, children were holding onto their mother's legs for dear life, single women were walking into walls ogling them.

Bobby and Tank gave us a small nod of acknowledgement and Tank greeted us with a simple "Ladies." Lula looked like she was about to melt. It was amazing how one word could have such an effect on such a big woman.

"Geez, do you guys always shop armed?" I asked.

"You never know." Tank replied. You never know, shopping with _me _I think he meant. His eyes trailed down the shoes and handbag I was holding. "Shoes? Our orders are to purchase one formal evening gown."

"I picked one out. It's waiting for us at another store. The shoes and purse match."

Bobby examined the handbag at arm's length like it was a bomb. "This isn't big enough to hold your gun."

"Yes, but it's cute and it matches the shoes." How could they argue with that reasoning? I guess they agreed with me because they looked at each other with raised their eyebrows before they proceeded to the checkout counter.

When they turned their backs to us, Lula fanned herself. It looked like she was having a hot flash.

They followed Lula and I back to the bridal store. The guys looked way out of their element surrounded by wedding gowns and lace. Tank and Bobby charged my gown and carried my bags for me.

Lula and I said our goodbyes and she waved to the guys before sashaying to her car.


	14. Chapter 14

These characters are not my creation and I promise to give them back to Janet in 1 piece.

Thanks for the reviews, you're too kind!

**14.**

I started walking to my car with Tank and Bobby in tow, or at least where I thought I parked my car. My car wasn't where I thought I left it. Weird.

I walked up and down isles, punching the panic button on my car remote. I didn't hear my alarm beeping. Okay, I was starting to get freak out.

"I swear I left my car right here." I told Tank. Tank and Bobby spread out to look for the car further in the lot.

We met back in front of Macy's ten minutes later. "Looks like someone snatched your car, Stephanie." Bobby told me.

"I can't believe this is happening to me." I started to feel the first twinges of panic. "Two hundred cars parked in this stupid freaking lot and they have to steal my freaking car." I rubbed my forehead, trying to rub away the headache I could feel coming on. "I just bought that car. The ink is barely dry on the title."

Tank put in a call to the command center. "Can we get a 20 on Stephanie's car?" He turned to me. "We're tracking your car as we speak."

Relief washed over me. Thank God for GPS. I followed the guys to a black SUV and they beeped me in. A few minutes later Tank received a call. It was a short conversation.

"Yo." About three seconds of conversation at the other end. "Got it." And then Tank disconnected. All of the Range men spoke like that. I wonder if it was part of their Rangeman training. There must be a chapter in the handbook on Merry Men phone etiquette.

Tank turned to me. "We have an address." With that, he started the car and headed to get my car back. I was psyched. I pictured us rolling up to a chop shop and Tank and Bobby busting in like SWAT and beating up the guy who stole my car.

Just when I thought my car karma was in the upswing. I contemplated if I was being punished for some misdeeds in a past life. I must have been really evil in a previous life to have this many cars destroyed.

We were heading down Route 1 and Bobby said "We're getting close."

Tank slowed down and I peered over the windshield to see where we were. I slapped myself on the forehead. "Oh my God." The men exchanged puzzled looks. We were stopped in front of the used car lot where I had traded my old car in. "I didn't even think to take the GPS tracking off when I traded in my car."

The men looked back at me and smiled. Bobby got out of the car and returned a few minutes later with a small black box, which I guessed, was the tracking unit. He threw it to the back of the SUV and we took off.

My cell phone started ringing to the tune of the Superman theme song. That ringer was reserved for one person, and on person only. "Yo." I answered.

"Did the guys retrieve your car yet?" Ranger asked.

"Not exactly. I bought a new car yesterday, so the GPS led us to my old car."

"Babe, you should have told me. Now we have no way to track your car."

"I didn't even think about it. Every other time the GPS just mysteriously appears."

"Babe." He sighed. "Come back to the office and you can use one of my cars."

I disconnected and told Tank to take me back to the office. It was rush hour now and cars were moving at a snails pace. Tank and Bobby seemed perfectly content to sit in silence, but I wasn't. The car was too quiet for comfort so I tried to start a conversation.

"You guys must hate getting assigned to me."

Bobby smiled and looked back. "It's not so bad." His smile got wider. "We get combat pay, and there's always a chance that something will get blown up."

"Combat pay?" I asked.

"We get paid extra to go on assignments with you, on account of how it's more dangerous than our normal assignments." He laughed. "It was part of contract negotiations this year."

I made a grimace. Tank added, "We like going on assignment with you. We're used to dealing with junkies and addicts. You keep things exciting."

I guess that's one way to look at my ability to attract stalkers. "I guess that's your idea of fun, then."

"Our idea of fun on the job, at least. We know how to have a good time outside of the job, though. We can't exist like Ranger. Ranger is the job." Bobby said.

I had a hard time imagining the Merry Men kicking back at a bar. "So what do you do for fun?" I asked.

"Normal stuff. Drink beer and watch sports. Some of the Rangeman guys get together for a poker game once a week." Bobby looked at me through the rear view mirror. "You should come check it out."

"You are a Rangeman employee after all." Tank added.

"I don't know if it's such a good idea. After what happened this weekend and everything…" Not to mention I sucked at playing poker.

Tank laughed out loud. "You don't have anything to be embarrassed about. Your stories can't compare to some of the other guys'." He chuckled to himself. "And you don't even want to know how Woody got his nickname. No one will ever top Woody."

Bobby turned around and smiled at me. "Come on. I promise we won't be too scary."

We pulled up in front of the Rangeman building. "Okay. It might be fun." And I guess it would be good to bond with some of the guys who had saved my life on occasion.

"We meet tonight at 8. Hal's apartment, 403." Bobby looked back at me before I jumped out of the car. "And don't worry. We don't bite."

I sure hope not.

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Fifteen minutes later I was on the fourth floor. Hal called apartment 403 home. I stepped in front of the door and listened to the rap music seeping through the door cracks and lightly shaking the floor boards. I knocked lightly and waited in nervous anticipation. Hal answered the door and a goofy grin filled his face when our eyes met.

I gave him a big smile back and a finger wave. He threw a strong arm around my shoulder and led me into the living room. "Look what the cat dragged in." He told the room.

Bobby and Ram looked up from the video game they were playing and nodded to me. I nodded back. Tank and Lester were playing cards at the dining room table.

The apartments on the fourth floor were all furnished with the same furniture, but Hal had added his own personal touches. He had posters of football and basketball heroes on the wall and he had a statue of buddah on an end table in the living room. He also had a small bookcase that held a few books and CD's.

Hal disappeared into the kitchen and came back with two bottles of beer. He handed one to me and motioned me to sit down at the table.

"I didn't know if you were going to show." said Tank.

"And miss a chance to hang out with the Rangeman crew?" I smiled at them and they all smiled back.

From the looks of the jackpot in the middle of the table, they were already into a game of poker and it looked like Hal was winning. And, gulp, it also looked like they were playing with real money. I don't know what I thought they would bet for, marbles maybe. But the game seemed a lot scarier now that we were playing for real money. I took a large swig of beer.

They finished their hand and dealt me in on the next one. The conversation consisted mostly of sports. I plopped a twenty dollar bill down in the middle of the table in exchange for two poker chips. This was not going to get me very far.

The cards were dealt and I looked at my hand. I had the ten, Jack, and King of diamonds, along with two other low cards. I was very excited by the prospect of having a royal flush and put my low cards down. I tried to keep in my excitement while picking up the two new cards. My inner Stephanie was jumping for joy when I saw the cards. They were the Queen and the Ace of diamonds.

I put my remaining chip out and Lester and Eddie folded. Tank and Hal put two chips in, so I pulled out another twenty and put out those chips. Hal folded, but Tank held fast. I looked at him and his face was totally blank, no way of telling if he was bluffing or not. When we finally laid our cards down, Tank revealed that he was indeed bluffing. I gathered the chips and put them into my pile.

This might not be so bad.

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By the time the pizza arrived, I only had a few chips left. Hal set the pizzas down on the table and everyone dug in. We resumed playing after the last of the pizza had disappeared. I liked eating with the guys. It was nice to be around people who could eat more than me. Their appetites made mine look healthy.

We resumed playing a few minutes later, with Bobby taking Lester's place at the table. Lester went into the kitchen and came out with a bottle of dark alcohol and a few cans of Red Bull. He mixed the liquid together into glasses and started passing around the table. Eddie and Hal refused. They were scheduled for the night shift tonight. When the drink got to me I gave a polite, "No thanks."

"You're playing with the big boys, now Stephanie. Can't you handle your alcohol?" Lester asked. This got laughs all around.

I couldn't let down a challenge so I took the drink and took a big gulp. It ran down my throat like fire. "What is this?"

"Jagerbomb." Cool name, but it still didn't explain much. "Jagermeister and Red Bull." Lethal combination. A few more of these and I wouldn't be able to remember my name.

After the next hand I was out and forty bucks in the hole.

I sighed. "I don't know what happened. I started off doing so well."

Bobby and Lester smiled deviously at each other. "Did I miss something?" I asked, looking around at their sheepish faces.

Eddie explained, "You don't have a very good poker face."

Serves me right for playing with a bunch of ex-Army guys. I tried really hard to keep a straight face, so I couldn't understand what they saw. The Rangeman handbook must also have a chapter on mind reading.

"What gave me away?"

"Your left eye twitches when you have a bad hand." Tank explained. "And you play with your hair when you have a good hand."

"I do?" I asked as I realized I had been playing with my hair at that moment. I rolled my eyes.

Ram and Hal excused themselves to go up to the office. I looked at my watch and realized it was almost 10. Just when I was about to make a move to leave, Lester refilled my glass. Another challenge.


	15. Chapter 15

**15.**

I finished off the shot and slammed the empty glass on the table, making sure everyone noticed that I could keep up with them.

"Well fellas, I'd love to stay and chat but I'm broke."

"Oh no, you're not sneaking away so fast. It's still early." Lester teased. "And if money is your only problem, we could change the stakes."

"What? Like take shots?"

"That, or strip poker." I wouldn't mind seeing the guys in this room in various states of undress, but given my previous poker performance, I had to decline. I'd had enough strip poker experience in college to know that I would probably be the only one taking clothes off.

"Sounds fun, but I have a better idea. We could play truth poker."

"Truth poker?" Bobby sounded like he was regretting inviting me in the first place.

"Truth Poker. I know hardly anything about you, but you know lots of personal stuff about me. That hardly seems fair. Every hand I win, I get to ask you all a question and you have to answer honestly."

"And if you loose?" Tank asked.

"You can ask me a question."

"I have a better idea." Lester chimed in. "For every hand you loose, you have to spend an hour in the gym."

I mentally grimaced. I hated working out but it might be worth it to learn something about these mystery men. After all, I knew what nervous habits were giving away my hand. There's not much I could do about the eye twitch, but if I avoided playing with my hair I should be able to win some hands.

"You're on."

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I was up to three hours in the gym before my luck started to turn around. On the forth hand, I got a full house and luckily no one else had anything good.

I looked at my potential victims, deciding who to ask what first. Lester shifted in his seat and Tank was avoiding eye contact. Better to prolong the torture for them and go straight for Bobby.

"Bobby, when you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?"

I watched as all the men relaxed a little. I liked Bobby, so I asked him an easy question. I hope the other guys didn't think I would be that easy on them.

"I wanted to be Michael Jordan." I watched Bobby as he spoke. He was tall and lean; he looked like a basketball player.

I decided to pick on Tank next so I could watch Lester squirm a few moments longer.

"I've been dying to ask, Tank. What is your real name?"

Bobby and Lester started laughing and Tank reached for another shot and spoke into the glass. The sound came out, "hmrf jasumer."

"What?" I asked.

"Michael Bolton, ok?" Tank slammed down the glass and we all started to laugh. "I was born before he was popular. How were my parents supposed to know?" We were still laughing, but Tank put his straight face back on. Better not to upset the big, scary man and move on.

Lester took a shot and eyed my full shot glass. I sighed and took another shot to keep up. "Who was your first kiss?" I asked Lester.

He laughed a nice deep throated laugh. "Kelly Kapowski in the first grade." He shook his head and smiled to himself. "God, I haven't thought about her in years. She was the only girl who was tough enough to beat me up."

I lost two hands and won the third.

I started with Tank this time. "How did you meet Ranger?"

"In the Army." Enough said. I'm sure there were going to be some national security issues if I pressed further.

Next was Bobby. "Why did you decide to work for Rangeman?"

"Lester and I met Ranger when we were in college. Ranger dropped out to go into the army, but we kept in touch. I had basketball scholarships, so when I injured my knee, I had to drop out. I was involved in some illegal activity and when Ranger found out, he offered me a position in his new company."

"Those were some rough times." Lester added.

I turned to Lester next. "What was your major in college?"

He laughed at the question. "Girls." He took another shot from the glass. "And computer science. I dropped out a little while after Ranger and Bobby and a few years later I was stealing people's credit card numbers off of the internet. I was one of the first skips Rangeman had to bring in and after they dragged my ass to jail, they offered me a job."

I'm not sure if I would have jumpstarted a business with a few Army guys, college dropouts, and ex-criminals but the combination worked for Rangeman.

Lester continued, "Ranger was smart to hire reformed criminals. Take me for example. I'm good at hacking into computer systems. I can look at the Rangeman computer system from a hacker's viewpoint and find out where the weaknesses are. Just like Bobby can look at a house and tell you where a burglar could slip in unnoticed."

That sounded like a good philosophy. I was up to five hours in the gym and learned as much about the Rangemen as I could handle for one night. I checked my watch and faked a yawn. "Well, I guess I'll be going now."

"Yeah, we should probably start cleaning up." Bobby said.

I grabbed my purse and headed for the door, digging for my keys.

"Not so fast, Stephanie." Tank grabbed my keys from me. "I'll take you home."

"Oh, that's okay." I reached for the door handle. "I'm fine. I only had a few drinks." I opened the door and walked straight into a rack of coats. I had opened the door to the closet instead of the front door. "On second thought…"

Tank put his arm around me and guided me out the front door. "Bye, guys. Thanks for inviting me." I called over my shoulder.

"Come back next week." Lester said.

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I smiled and gave the men a finger wave as Tank led me to the elevator. Once inside, I felt an unavoidable need to break the silence.

"So…" I said.

"So." He replied, keeping his eyes straight ahead.

Searching my mind for something to talk about, my favorite spandex wearing friend came to mind. "Lula and I are going out again this weekend. I think she'd _really_ like it if you went dancing with us." Lula and I really didn't have plans, but I'm sure Lula would move mountains to get a date with Tank.

He shook his head and rubbed his forehead with his hand. "I'll think about it."

Score! I was giggling my way to the SUV when I was suddenly face to face with Ranger.

"Look Mike!" Ranger gave Tank an eyebrow raise. "It's Bruce Wayne himself." I searched his eyes for a moment, "Or is it Batman tonight?"

A hint of amusement spread over Ranger's face and he told Tank, "I'll take over from here." Tank nodded and was gone with the wind.

Ranger opened the door to his Porsche and I slid in, as gracefully as I could in my Jagerized state.

Ranger turned to me before he started the car. "Working late?"

"Poker game. The guys invited me for some male bonding." A belch slipped out and I immediately covered my mouth with my hand. "Excuse me, I think all of the testosterone around here is seeping in through my pores."

He looked like he was thinking about smiling and pulled the car onto the road. "You know Tank's real name."

"I found out lots of other interesting things tonight." I replied. "I've improved my interrogation methods."

"Apparently." He replied and slipped into his zone. I watched him while he drove. The streetlights cast moving shadows on his face, making the hard lines of his face look dull.

"You're staring." He said.

So? He was an amazing male specimen, he could be the inspiration to an entire generation of upcoming artists and sculptors. I faced forward and stared out of the windshield instead and he reached out and put his hand over mine.

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End file.
